Everyone Should Be a Waiter

In addition to my constant "get thee an internship" advice, the best non-office experience talent can get is to work in food service. There is no better industry at customer service boot camp than the restaurant business. I can pick out a former waiter in a heartbeat around our office, just by the way they go about their work. Here are the life lessons from the food biz that lead to excellence in the workplace:

1) The Art of Expectation Setting: The difference between a good waiter and a great one, is their ability to set a customer's expectations. If the customer is told, in advance, that the kitchen is backed up, they're more likely to be satisfied with the timeliness of their meal than one whose waiter is hiding behind the swinging doors, giving no update at all. Someone much wiser than me once said "satisfaction is determined by how short the distance is between expectation and outcome". This nugget of wisdom is the ticket to top performance in the workplace. It doesn't matter if you're dealing with hungry customers or anxious clients, the situation is the same and employees who inherently get it, rise to the top.

2) Fake it 'Til You Make It: Smiles get tips and when your livelihood depends on them, you better believe you'll fake a good day no matter what. The same is true in the office environment. No one wants to work with a grump. To be fair, Pollyannas don't always resonate either, but the point is, success in business relies heavily on building relationships and if no one wants to be around you, how far do you really think you'll get?

3) Anticipate Needs: Think of how nice it is when a refill is brought to you before you've emptied the first glass. That's how your boss feels when you anticipate their needs. Being known as someone who doesn't always need to be asked will put you on the fast track to promotion.

4) Urgency and Accuracy: Whenever I hear the words "sense of urgency" I cringe, mostly because it's so often misapplied. Still, in food service you'd better get it fast and get it right. People who've made a living off getting those two things right don't forget them when they enter the office. Not to mention, they're already stellar note-takers. Was that no tomatoes with extra profitability? Coming right up.

5) The Importance of Tips: Every waiter gets the importance of tips, which translate directly to kudos in the workplace. I've written about this before, so I won't wear out my point, but saying "thank you" in all its varied forms never gets old.

6) Own It: I once spilled an entire tray of beer on a customer at a fine dining restaurant, that was obviously my fault and I apologized profusely. But what about the less obvious mishaps? For example, when a steak is delivered well done when it was ordered rare, does the waiter apologize and correct the situation, or throw the chef under the bus? At the end of the day, only one of those solutions has a chance of keeping the restaurant's reputation in tact. Stepping up and owning your customer's experience is the only solution if you want to get ahead in the long run. Knowing how to own your work, apologize when things go wrong, and putting forth the effort to find solutions is what makes a great leader.

7) Do the Unexpected: Any waiter worth their salt has offered up free dessert for a birthday or anniversary. Why? Because it sweetens the customer experience all around. It's no different in the corporate world. Doing the unexpected in a positive manner gets people's attention and makes them see you in a whole new light. What have you done lately to sweeten your situation?

By the way, flare only matters when you've got the performance to back it up.

Don't Baby Your Bully

I happened across a how-to article today that rated suing your workplace bully as "moderately challenging".  Really?  Moderately challenging?  Changing a tire, maybe, but going after your bully in an adult version of the playground face-off . . . moderately challenging?  Maybe these things are a lot easier than I assumed. 

As it turns out, they are.  A quick search resulted in tons of cases covering bullies of all shapes and sizes with behavior ranging from name calling to being shot at with a nail gun.  Reading through these cases, it's clear that empathy sides with the victim.  So as employers, what risk do we run in allowing such behavior to persist?

Employers can be held liable and a high profile case has the potential to do irreparable damage to its reputation, not to mention the legal fees incurred.  Still, most employees don't go to the courts, or the press, or even their HR team, but that doesn't mean the company isn't negatively impacted.  Need convincing?  Here are 4 WAYS HARBORING A BULLY CAN SUCKER PUNCH YOU . . . besides the obvious:

1. Let's start with turnover.  It's easy to shrug your shoulders at a single resignation and move on, but when you consider the recruiting hours, job postings, administrative processing, and likely higher rate of the replacement, it's easy to see just how expensive this can be. 
2. Then there's the issue of office morale.  Don't think for a moment that workplace bullying doesn't affect those seated ringside.  Witnesses of the behavior can have numerous reactions including feeling awkward around their dysfunctional co-workers, worried that they too could be bullied, distracted from actually doing their job, sad for their victimized team member, and even . . . ready for this? . . . angry at the company for allowing it to continue.  
3. Did you catch that bottom dollar impact hidden in there?  "Distracted from actually doing their job" means your business will suffer.  Allowing bullying to exist in your company means people are spending company time engaging in bad behavior, talking about it, and/or not giving their best performance because their mind is elsewhere. 
4. Bully behavior is contagious.  Letting one exist means more bullies for you.  It's not just a matter of lemming mentality, but letting a workplace bully behave badly, or worse yet promoting them, sends a strong message to the organization.  There is no faster way to create a culture of toxic behavior than to put a bully in a position of leadership and not correct the behavior.  You might as well add "mature people need not apply" to your job postings.

FIX IT!  I'm not saying you need to fire your bullies, in fact bullies are often times some of your best performers.  Consider the basic characteristics at play: aggression and criticism . . . these can deliver strong performance when channeled as constructive feedback and attention to detail.  Unfortunately, in these cases employers tend to handle their bullies with kid gloves.  "I mean, God forbid they leave!"  It's not enough to wait for an employee to complain, company leadership needs to start identifying their bullies on their own (we've all got them), call their behavior out, and begin working with them on how to leverage their strengths positively.  If you take a lazy approach and just wait for bully targets to come to you, you'll either be waiting forever, or be too late to fix it.

Think you're being bullied, or wondering how to spot the behavior?  Check out the signs (thank you Forbes):

1. Work means misery.
2. You're under constant criticism.
3. Lots of yelling.
4. They remember your mistakes.
5. You're the subject of gossip and lies.
6. You're not invited to lunch or meetings.
7. You always need mental health days.
8. You get sabotaged.
9. You're assigned an impossible schedule.
10. Your credit is stolen.

Green and Looking for Green

In the advertising industry, people rarely say "good-bye" when leaving an agency, it's almost always "see you later".  No matter how big the city, the advertising world is a tight-knit community where five plus years at the same place is considered an eternity.  This may sound strange, but job-hopping isn't only accepted, it's expected, particularly for junior-level talent looking to rapidly beef up their salary.  Now I'm not saying this is a bad idea, in fact sometimes it's critical, but it's important to recognize that the grass isn't always greener.

Being in HR, employees often approach me with telltale signs that they're contemplating a move.  Sometimes they take the "I've got a friend who . . . " approach, but most times they're looking for someone to have a frank soul-searching chat with.  That initial conversation rarely touches on money.  Instead, they bring up work/life balance, challenge, opportunity for growth, etc., but sometimes, when the resignation is handed in, it becomes clear that money is what led them to taking the call and accepting the offer. 

So where's the disconnect?  For starters, agencies need to follow Daniel Pink's advice and pay their people adequately and equitably.  There is a lot of misinformation out there on his analysis of what motivates good performance, so his words from Drive bear repeating: "Effective organizations compensate people in amounts and in ways that allow individuals to mostly forget about compensation and instead focus on the work itself." (p. 170)  This doesn't mean that well-paid employees won't still leave for more money, they do, but it doesn't do poachers any favors.  For recruiters, it is painfully obvious which companies are getting this right; their people don't return calls. 

To the employees I say this, pick up the phone, you'll never hear me dissuade you from answering the door when opportunity knocks, but understand your priorities and goals in advance of the conversation.  When dollar signs are flashing in your pupils, it's a bad time to be figuring out what's most important to you . . . you're simply not seeing things clearly.  If money is at the top of your list and that's what the new opportunity can offer, then well done.  If, however, you are looking for something else, be forewarned, it might already be in your backyard.  Do your homework and talk not with employees at the new place, but with those who've left.  They will give you valuable perspective and a dash of reality.  Remember, it is the recruiter's job to make the role sound like the greatest thing since sliced bread.

If you've already made the leap and didn't know what you had 'til it was gone, don't be afraid to "boomerang" or even "threepeat".  As long as you didn't burn any bridges, or at the very least are prepared to rebuild them, you've got a shot.  While you may have left, former employees are a proven commodity and have a leg up on the competition.  If you're desperate to get back, but there aren't any positions open, start campaigning anyway.  They may be able to make a place for you, especially if you have a valuable and unique skill set. 

So, if you're green and looking for green, the greenest green might just be where you've been.

7 Quotes That Shaped My Career

In my career to date, I have had the pleasure, and in some cases the displeasure, of working with all kinds of people.  I'm okay with faces, horrible with names, but great with quotes.  While I may not remember so-and-so's birthday, spouse's name, or how I even know them at all . . . I do remember the random, poignant, things they've said.  I hope one day to have a treasure trove of these little darlings to pass on to hungry proteges, but for now, I have seven . . . seven beloved quotes that have meant everything to my career:

1 - "You're a round peg trying to fit into a square hole."
I was initially heartbroken when a Director at a financial firm sent me on my merry way with that line.  10 years later, I couldn't be more appreciative.  I would never have been happy in gray walls and daily suits.  Know your strengths and play to them.  It is futile to try to fit into an organizational culture that doesn't fit your personality. 

2 - "You go where angels fear to tread."
In one of my first performance reviews this was stated to me as both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness . . . to date it still holds true (although I must credit Alexander Pope for this one for originally penning it).  The key to making this approach work for you is knowing your audience.  Regardless of how flat an organization is, every leader appreciates perspective, even dictators.  Just be cautious with how you present it and always proceed with respect, confidence, and humility, they actually make a very nice cocktail.

3 - "Never assume you know someone's intentions."
Don't waste your energy projecting intentions on someone's actions, especially if they're perceived negatively.  You'll save yourself a lot of angst and stress if you just let actions speak for themselves and resist the hefty temptation to read into them.  (Speaking as one who over-analyzes the weather, it's a tough task, but so worth it.)

4 - "Don't say 'no' until you've had the opportunity to say 'yes'."
I firmly believe that good things come to those who don't just wait, they entertain.  Any opportunity to network or learn should be greeted with polite invitation.  You'll end up walking away more than you engage, but think of how much more you'll know for the next round.

5 - "It's not always about being right."
Toughest lesson to date.  If you approached a madman on the street and he told you that the sky was falling, it's safe to say you'd probably continue walking.  I know for certain you wouldn't sincerely argue with him about the facts.  Apply this logic to business, however, and we lose our cool.  Just because you know your opinion, suggestion, idea, or whatever, is the "right" one, it doesn't do you any favors to try and convince the unconvincable.  (Yeah, made that word up . . . wanna argue about it?)

6 - "Find your inner &!%@#."
(Grandma, it's a quote, now please forgive me for repeating it.)  The point is, you can be June Cleaver all day long, up until someone tries to take advantage.  At that point, you need to find your inner call-it-what-you-want.  For many of us, this can be REALLY hard.  The desire to be liked, however, should never trump the desire to be respected.  While this quote takes it a little too far in the other direction, it's a great motivator when I need to engage in some healthy and respectful conflict.

7 - "Don't underestimate your worth."
This goes beyond career.  This is a quote for life - always know your worth in every facet of it.  Overestimate it and you're a jerk, underestimate it and you're a fool, get it right and you get what you want out of life.

The Manners of Multitasking

"Must be able to multitask."  A safe assumption of any corporate role these days.  The business world loves "plate spinners" and abhors "ball droppers".  He/she who can effectively engage in a phone conversation, while IMing in multiple windows, responding to emails, and wrapping up a spreadsheet, all without upsetting the visitor at the door, wins . . . or do they?

I like to think I was raised with manners.  Sure, I sometimes get so excited about my latest thought that I blab with a mouthful of food (yes, I disgust myself) and occasionally I've let the door close when I'm in too great a rush for the slow walker (yes, I am ashamed), but most of the time I'm a mindful citizen of humanity.  Except lately I've noticed my workplace manners could use some polishing.  We are in such a hurry to be EFFICIENT, PRODUCTIVE, SUCCESSFUL, "WINNERS" . . . we forget, arguably, the most important part of our day to day: others.

So here are my tips to self:

Engage: When someone comes to your desk, stop typing, look up, and give them 100% of your attention, even if it's only for a few seconds.  It's okay to let them know you'll have to reconnect later (gotta keep those plates spinning after all), or that you need to finish up something first, or even let them know that you need to (gasp!) keep working on something during the conversation (use your best judgment here - if you can't focus properly on the conversation, then refer to an earlier solution).

Zip the Lip: Nothing trumps respect; not your idea, not your joke, not your opinion . . . NOTHING.  You're excited, I get it, now let me finish my thought.  I can say that free of malice as I'm quite possibly the world's worst interrupter (again, shame ensues).

Stop or Go Stealth: I stand corrected, the BlackBerry (or iPhone, depending on your camp) is actually the world's worst interrupter.  I cannot resist the blinking red light (if you grinned, you're an addict too).  If you lack the willpower to put it down then please, wait for an appropriate moment in the conversation, preferably one not requiring your attention or input, and sneak a peek at your emails under the table.

Revive the Nod: You've got to drop off the file, go to the restroom, pick up the printout, and grab a cup of tea, all before your 2 o'clock call . . . and that's when it happens . . . the insincere greeting.  As you race down the hall you pass a friendly coworker, they say 'hi", you say "hi", they mumble "howrya", you mumble "goodyou?" and without waiting for a response you continue on to your destination.  You've just inquired after someone's emotional status with zero intention of sticking around long enough to hear about it.  What's worse, perhaps, is they have zero intention of answering.  Can we all just drop the charade and revive the social nod?  It does it all - a greeting without a time commitment.  How the office hasn't fallen in love with this efficient little gem is beyond me.

Okay, so there we have it, a handful of small steps to a more polite, though no less busy, workplace version of ourselves.

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and . . . Plumber Crack?!

I was the victim of a drive-by cracking today.  I survived, but did not escape unscathed.  The image of "the crack" is burned in my brain like a vile brand.  The worst part of it all was that it was at the office!

My grandma would have gasped in horror had she had the misfortune of seeing what I saw.  In her day, the greatest threats were a little thigh or decolletage, but nowadays, casual workplace attire brings with it a whole new host of fashion mishaps and wardrobe malfunctions.  So professional ladies, I offer you a guide to dress by:

Hey!  My eyes are up here! 
When it comes to cleavage, less really is more.  For those well-endowed ladies, remember that YOU'RE the one working, not "the twins".  For the bee-bite ladies, this does not mean that you have a "get out of jail free card" - keep it classy.  (Gasp!  Shock!  Yes, I really went there.)

Drumstick or Thigh?
Thank goodness for the skirt, especially on those hot summer days, but make sure your skirt isn't as hot as the asphalt.  Grandma's tip: sit down and place your hand perpendicularly across your thigh with the pinkie side touching the top of your knee (not the cap).  If your thumb and skirt are touching, you're good to go.  If they're in different time zones, save the skirt for after hours.  Anything in between, proceed with caution.

Too Tight's Just Not Right
I know it's tough admitting those extra holiday pounds have actually made it to the next new year, but sometimes you have to swallow your pride and go up a size.  Your shirt shouldn't be so tight that your coworkers can see what you ate for lunch.  Not sure?  Here's a quick test: go home and undress.  If you can see the memory of the seams, buttons, or worse yet FABRIC of the clothes you were wearing, you need to let go.

Rear-View
If you feel a breeze, there's a problem.  There is no socially acceptable scenario for the caboose to make an appearance.  (If the skin is hidden by undies, it's still a problem.)  If you're one of the lucky ones, like me, who enjoy the privilege of wearing jeans every day to work, pair a long top with the low riders and keep an eye on posture.

Bottom line (pardon the pun), when in doubt . . . DON'T!

Birds of Prey

During a particularly challenging time in my career, I was leaving for work and saw a hawk snatch something from my front lawn, perch on a nearby tree, and dig in. At first, I was horrified at the perceived cruelty, but then my inner bird of prey piped up saying "are you the hawk, or the prey?" Touche, self. 

It's a jungle out there and to make it in the business world you have to have a keen sense of threat and opportunity.  Some people navigate these situations fluidly, while other, like myself, find themselves doggy paddling in choppy waters.  It isn't enough to stay alive, but, in my book, you have to do it without tarnishing your character or reputation.  You have to be a bird of prey.

My upbringing prepped me for the great wide world with the golden rule as my only guide. What it failed to supply me with was the knowledge that not everyone plays by it. I was sent out into the working world like a pigeon: plays nice with others, always makes room on the wire, keeps its head down and doesn't make a fuss. A pigeon . . . in a world of rats, snakes, and hawks.

In my quest for "hawkdom", I've learned that you must first recognize your prey. Peck on the pigeons of the office and you'll quickly become the loathed workplace bully. Go after the rats and snakes and you'll be doing everyone a favor. Rats are the wolves in sheep's clothing. Operating under the guise of mammalian cuteness, they spend their days taking what isn't theirs and multiplying. Snakes, on the other hand, operate alone; strictly for selfish gain they strike with venom when it will hurt the most. To catch your prey, here are a few tips from our feathered friends:

1) Be above board. Most birds of prey hunt during the day, even though rats and snakes are more active at night. Keep your actions transparent - only sinister deeds benefit from the darkness.

2) Don't dally in the mud. Even though sneaky prey can slip underground at the moment of capture, the hawk doesn't waste its time digging its talons in the dirt. Don't soil your image in desperation.

3) Have patience. Hours on a tree stump may not sound like much fun, but it pays off. Ranting in frustration does not get you any closer to your goal (although it can be a heck of a relief at times).

4) Focus. It's no wonder we revere the hawk eye; its focus and clarity are lethally precise. If its worth the capture, it's worth watching for.
5) Strike only when the opportunity presents itself. Don't waste your time and energy on the trail. When you catch a rat or a snake up to no good, do something - hesitate and you'll have missed your opportunity.

Name Dropping Bombs

For those of us in HR, or for anyone who's ever looked for a job, the saying "it's not what you know, but who you know" rings true. While this mantra has gotten many a foot in the door, it has also turned off many a recruiter. To make this approach work for you, think of it in terms of how it was originally coined.
In years gone by, the "who you know" approach was a direct road to hire. Reaching out to a contact often times led to an offer based on connection alone, or at the very least a meeting with the decision maker wanting to get a feel for one's character. Many positions in those days included on-the-job training and one's honor was at stake with every referral. I'll never forget when a family member called in a favor for a friend adding, "Don't screw this up. This is my name on the line." Talk about pressure! (Incidentally, it worked. That individual is still successfully employed at the company.)

Nowadays, though, positions are more "hit the ground running" than "come as you are" and experience counts. Add to that the fact that one's network is now much broader than family and friends; mostly comprised of professional contacts who have minimal knowledge of your abilities. That doesn't mean that a referral isn't the right road to an opportunity, but it's all in how you use it. The point is to make your network work for you.

DO's
1) DO call in a favor. It takes all of one minute to send an email on a friend's behalf to a recruiter. Go ahead and see if your contacts would be willing to do this for you. Remember, many companies have a referral bonus, so there's probably something in it for them too!

2) DO know your referrer's reputation. Just because you know someone at the company you want to join, doesn't mean they're the right shoulder to tap. As the saying goes, "you're known by the company you keep", so be sure your referrer is in good standing. Their reputation will be the company's first perception of YOU.

3) DO ask your referrer to follow up. Recruiters are inundated with referrals and, unfortunately, some slip through the cracks. Having your contact pop into the recruiter's office and tell them how great you are and how much you could contribute to the company is the surest way to a phone interview at the very least.

DON'T's
1) DON'T name drop . . . unless you REALLY know what you're doing. Name-dropping is playing with fire; it can fuel the process, or burn you. If your network comes up in conversation during an interview, it's okay to mention good performers who'd be certain to put in a good word for you. Sending an introductory letter to a recruiter listing two or more names your networks share is passive aggressive. Let's face it, without incentive, the recruiter isn't going to get up and go ask all of those individuals what they think of you.

2) DON'T wait for a job posting. So often, interviews are already happening by the time a job actually gets posted. Make sure your name is already front of mind for a recruiter so that you'll be one of the first candidates invited for a visit.

3) DON'T underestimate the power of an informational interview. I have seen many an opportunity hire, particularly at the senior levels come out of a casual meeting. Companies will frequently make a space for a candidate with skills that are an investment. Even if no offer comes of it, later when the right opportunity does open up, recruiters will think of people they've met with and liked before a name they read in an email.

It's a competitive world out there and lucrative job opportunities aren't easy to come by, but at least there are things within our control, not the least of which is networking.

Toiletiquette

Once upon a time, the powder room was a place of repose. A place where one could freshen up and discuss the social goings-on that lay beyond the door. A visit to the powder room was not just a response to nature's call, but a sub-social gathering all unto itself.

Ladies, the powder room is dead. She has been dead for a number of years now, but our culture missed the obituaries. She died and is survived by her granddaughter: the women's restroom. While her ghost lingers in nightclubs and country clubs, she is dead as a doornail, especially in the workplace. Still, female employees continue to amaze me with their bathroom behavior (I assure you, these are all true accounts):

Buddy Visits: If you happen to sync up your schedules, then so be it, but an invite is never okay.

Silence is Golden: Whatever it is you have to say can wait, I promise. You know that expression dogs wear when taking a dump? That's the image that comes to mind when someone tries talking to me mid-stream. It says it all, "Are you serious right now?! This is just awkward."

Stall Calls: Wrong, wrong, WRONG. You know who you are - PUT THE BLACKBERRY DOWN.

Tea 'n' Biscuits: Straight out of Ripley's comes the stall snacker. I have literally heard the foil bag open, followed by the crunch of a chip. Vomitous. I will write this once, in the hopes of never having to again: I don't care how arduous the process is for you, there is no physiological need for stuff to be going in as it's coming out.

Snooze Poos: As I live and breathe, I have witnessed this on more than one occasion. I'm not talking about the opossum tactics that some pull when finding themselves with company during an unfortunate moment. I'm talking about literally sleeping "on the job". I know it's called a "rest"room, but please, don't take that literally.

My advice: treat the professional women's restroom with a sense of reverence. Think of confession - you wouldn't talk to someone during it or snack/sleep during it. Go in and get out with efficiency, avoiding distraction. If you need a break, visit the local Starbucks.