Once upon a time, the powder room was a place of repose. A place where one could freshen up and discuss the social goings-on that lay beyond the door. A visit to the powder room was not just a response to nature's call, but a sub-social gathering all unto itself.
Ladies, the powder room is dead. She has been dead for a number of years now, but our culture missed the obituaries. She died and is survived by her granddaughter: the women's restroom. While her ghost lingers in nightclubs and country clubs, she is dead as a doornail, especially in the workplace. Still, female employees continue to amaze me with their bathroom behavior (I assure you, these are all true accounts):
Buddy Visits: If you happen to sync up your schedules, then so be it, but an invite is never okay.
Silence is Golden: Whatever it is you have to say can wait, I promise. You know that expression dogs wear when taking a dump? That's the image that comes to mind when someone tries talking to me mid-stream. It says it all, "Are you serious right now?! This is just awkward."
Stall Calls: Wrong, wrong, WRONG. You know who you are - PUT THE BLACKBERRY DOWN.
Tea 'n' Biscuits: Straight out of Ripley's comes the stall snacker. I have literally heard the foil bag open, followed by the crunch of a chip. Vomitous. I will write this once, in the hopes of never having to again: I don't care how arduous the process is for you, there is no physiological need for stuff to be going in as it's coming out.
Snooze Poos: As I live and breathe, I have witnessed this on more than one occasion. I'm not talking about the opossum tactics that some pull when finding themselves with company during an unfortunate moment. I'm talking about literally sleeping "on the job". I know it's called a "rest"room, but please, don't take that literally.
My advice: treat the professional women's restroom with a sense of reverence. Think of confession - you wouldn't talk to someone during it or snack/sleep during it. Go in and get out with efficiency, avoiding distraction. If you need a break, visit the local Starbucks.
Ladies, the powder room is dead. She has been dead for a number of years now, but our culture missed the obituaries. She died and is survived by her granddaughter: the women's restroom. While her ghost lingers in nightclubs and country clubs, she is dead as a doornail, especially in the workplace. Still, female employees continue to amaze me with their bathroom behavior (I assure you, these are all true accounts):
Buddy Visits: If you happen to sync up your schedules, then so be it, but an invite is never okay.
Silence is Golden: Whatever it is you have to say can wait, I promise. You know that expression dogs wear when taking a dump? That's the image that comes to mind when someone tries talking to me mid-stream. It says it all, "Are you serious right now?! This is just awkward."
Stall Calls: Wrong, wrong, WRONG. You know who you are - PUT THE BLACKBERRY DOWN.
Tea 'n' Biscuits: Straight out of Ripley's comes the stall snacker. I have literally heard the foil bag open, followed by the crunch of a chip. Vomitous. I will write this once, in the hopes of never having to again: I don't care how arduous the process is for you, there is no physiological need for stuff to be going in as it's coming out.
Snooze Poos: As I live and breathe, I have witnessed this on more than one occasion. I'm not talking about the opossum tactics that some pull when finding themselves with company during an unfortunate moment. I'm talking about literally sleeping "on the job". I know it's called a "rest"room, but please, don't take that literally.
My advice: treat the professional women's restroom with a sense of reverence. Think of confession - you wouldn't talk to someone during it or snack/sleep during it. Go in and get out with efficiency, avoiding distraction. If you need a break, visit the local Starbucks.
Tears were coming down when I read this - out of laughter, of course. Images of a certain restroom that you & I once shared (I'll be kind to keep the details "anonymous") came flooding back.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely "101" for all the offenders out there! Well done!
Great blog too, btw...love it.